The relative isolation that we're practicing to minimize the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic has left me feeling lost. This is not a feeling about what we're doing. I get how important it is to flatten the curve. The last thing we want to do is overwhelm our medical staff and facilities with too many sick people.
Instead, this feeling is about my own internal processing of the changed ways of relating with friends, family, and co-workers. Many days, I've felt discouraged or confused by these changes: in a nutshell, I've felt lost.
When I'm most in touch with my own rhythms, I get into a state that I call “flow”. Basically, it just means that I sense forward motion about being who I am and doing what I want or need to do. And that I'm being and doing these with a minimum of internal “dams” or blockages.
Since my wife and I began to keep physical distance from other people as part of our practice during the pandemic, I have struggled to find this flow. I long for it, so I have continuously sought after it.
The way that I process introspectively is through creating music. That's one of the reasons that I've been tenaciously pursuing the creation of two albums since the pandemic and our flatten-the-curve response to it started. I'm glad to be sharing one of those albums with you now.
Still, I find my own sense of flow to be illusive. Perhaps that's why these eight tracks seem to wander through so many styles and moods. And yet this tells a beautiful story about this internal flow: it is not stuck on one expression. Instead, I'm always willing to hear the next way that this flow longs to express itself.
If you've been listening to each of the tracks as you read (and I hope you have been), you'll notice something that holds the pieces together. Maybe you can identify it or maybe it's intangible. If you can feel it, it's real.
As I was writing and pondering the last four tracks on this album, I began to notice that when the letters in “flow” are reversed, they spell “wolf”. And my connection with the wolf/canine family right now is the newest member of our family: a beautiful dog. She is teaching me so much and providing me with a mirror (something that I find relationships of any kind provide).
And so, the flow is about the gentle and fierce. I am glad for the softness of the flow I seek. Additionally, I'm deeply aware of the power and instinct that is at the center of this thing I call flow. What helps you to flow in these times?
Next week, I'll share a video with the music from this album. Until then, be safe and stay healthy.