Not all introspection is calm. Sometimes looking inward means sliding outward, too.
Sliding Into Introversion
While living through this pandemic I have had plenty of time to be on my own. Though my spouse’s job has sometimes called on her to be in-person, mine is an — often solitary — remote job since the start of the lockdowns. I’m an introvert, so I figured this would be fine and let my concerns slide.
However, this solitude has sometimes led to challenges for me. On one hand, I’ve had to call on myself to reach out to friends to connect either online or in person (outdoors). On the other hand, I occasionally get a bit too introspective.
Some of my own insides scare me at times. Don’t get me wrong: I don’t have tons of personal trauma. It’s just that in my introversion, I can get a bit too driven inward. Emotionally, this comes up in me as anger.
Over the years, I’ve learned to work with my anger. Like all emotions, anger is trying to get my attention. Acting it out almost never does any good. Instead, I do my best to recognize it, befriend it (slide in some love), and find what’s underneath it.
This time, my anger came from my wanting everything to be “just so”. Rather than sliding into life with ease, at these times, I try to box it up. Yeah, I’m a bit of a perfectionist. For me, this means I’m a “control freak”. I want everything to meet my expectations.
Obviously, life is not that tidy. Being human is a messy, chaotic, and sometimes random existence. However much I want life to slide into line, I am playing with (not working on) going easy on myself.
In the video, the dancer’s focus and body confidence inspire me. It is this sort of powerful yet artful intention that I seek as I continue to become myself.
Outward and Inward
Slide Outward music video is from a soon-to-be-released album: “Outward and Inward”. Stay tuned here to learn when that set of tracks is available.
Thanks for dropping by. And hope to see you again real soon.